MOVE

I am severely allergic to cut grass. I know it sounds silly but it does a number on my immune system. I carry an Epi Pen for this reason (and others.) When I was little and my dad would mow the lawn I would run into my room, shut the door, the windows, and climb under my covers. I was afraid of the enzyme that is released when the grass is cut. It hurts me.

Currently, we have a wonderful team of people who groom our yard. On Friday mornings they come and edge the grass, cut it, etc. Every Friday morning I hesitate at the front door, I take a deep breath, I stave off panic, I tell myself, "self, move now!" and race to my car before I take another breath.

As I was doing this ritual this morning I thought about how it applies to other areas of my life. Sometimes I come face to face with things that I fear or can potentially hurt me and I am paralyzed. I think if I took a deep breath and moved forward I would find I am more than okay.

The children of Israel stood face to face with the Red Sea. In Exodus 14:15 it reads, "And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward."   In Matthew 14:22-24 it reads, "And when Peter was come down out of the ship..." It takes action to get miracles. It takes moving to find joy in life. There are so many more stories/references to people who stand on the brink and decided to move.

And so today I issue this challenge: MOVE!

It's Okay

It's okay if you have no idea what is going to happen next

It's okay if you are exhausted

It's okay if you are wrestling with God and losing

It's okay to be happy

It's okay if at some point in the day you close your eyes and utter a simple prayer of thanks

It's okay to be in love

It's okay to feel like you are absolutely failing in life

It's okay to be wrong

It's okay to ask questions

It's okay to change your mind

It's okay to be different

It's okay  to be passionate

It's okay to listen

It's okay to want to feel a part of something

It's okay to ask for help

It's okay because you are enough

Ducks in a Row

I was talking to a friend today in my office and said, "Well, when you get all your ducks in a row—a co-worker poked his head in at that moment and said, "Make sure they are your ducks!"

Independent vs. Dependent

It seems strange to me that there are men out there that want to have a submissive, docile, train-them-as-they-go, dependent wife. I know this is true, and okay.  I know there are men who want to exert their manliness in their marriage and home. I know there are women who are perfectly happy following their lead. I know this but it's hard for me to wrap my head around.

I have been and am currently blessed to be surrounded by independent, strong, opinionated, forward thinking, headstrong, educated women in my life. So when the topic came up about dating a submissive/docile woman vs. a headstrong/independent women it got my mind reeling.

I grew up in a home where my parents, in my eyes, seems to equally work in our home. If mom made dinner—dad did the dishes. My dad may have been the primary breadwinner but my mother has kept up her teaching/licensing and is a substitute teacher when she wants.  My mom runs the money and the house. My dad plays a significant spiritual role. This was not the pattern of either of their parents.

I have 2 beautiful, brilliant, talented sisters who are married and they are both independent, headstrong, opinionated, powerful, fierce women. They love their husbands and respect them. Their husbands encourage them to be their best selves. Neither of these men married submissive, docile wives, and neither of them are any less manly as a result. In fact, I find I respect and love them more for their ability to blow wind in the sails of my sisters.

 I've learned a few things along the way of how to date, love, empower, etc. an independent headstrong women from awesome examples, like my mom and sisters, in my life.

• Don't make decisions for her. She has worked hard, done the research, and has her own opinion. Instead ask her.
• She may be strong and independent but that doesn't mean she doesn't need a place to be weak and fall apart. Allow her that space. Take her in your arms, talk to her, and listen. She never feels more loved then when she can be vulnerable and strong at the same time.
• It is far better to understand than to be understood.
• It is possible for you to be a gentleman without being patronizing
• When you encourage her to be independent, strong, have opinions, it will not diminish your strength, power, or role as a man.
• "Intimidating" women love to relax, feel comfortable, take off their heels, put away the days work, put their hair in a messy bun or ponytail, and still feel sexy. How a man makes her feel in these moments matter.
• It is okay for you to talk to her about things that hurt you about her independence or strong will. It is okay if you want to serve her or give her things, or if you just want to be the strong one for a while.
• It might be hard to get a strong independent women but the work will be worth it once you climb those walls.
• Listen. Invest. Be present. You just might be blown away by her heart and mind.

Story Time: Richard

01.14.09
Cape Coast
Ghana, West Africa


"...I unloaded my things, put on my swimsuit & headed to the coast/beach to swim. I went expecting to really dive in & swim but didn't. I mostly just stood where I had sure footing & let the waves hit me. The under current was too strong & the riptide too dangerous to go swimming. Along the way I befriended Richard & he watched my stuff, smoked pot, listened to music through his headphones, while I played in the VERY salty ocean."


At the end of very long and very hot day in Ghana I was ready to relax. I dropped my stuff off at a small hotel and ran to the beach. I had a few things I dropped in the sand but couldn't go too far into the water without worrying about my stuff. And that was when I met Richard. I kept coming out of the water to check on my things and after the 3rd time or so he told me he would keep an eye on my stuff. Honestly, I didn't know if I would see my stuff again but I trusted him and ran off into the water.


After a long time of playing in the ocean I came back for my things. There was Richard just kickin' it, smoking pot, listening to his tunes, and keeping an eye on my stuff. I gathered my stuff, thanked him, and started to walk back to my hostel. Richard started walking with me.  He asked if he could buy me a drink. I politely refused. He asked why. I said I don't drink and he couldn't believe it. He asked me if I smoke, gesturing to share his joint. I said no. He threw it on the ground and smashed it.


Then he asked me all sorts of questions about why I don't drink or smoke. We talked about my beliefs for a bit and he continued to walk with me. I told him he didn't need to walk me all the way but he insisted. I asked him about his family and he told me they were all dead—that he was alone in the world. He said he makes and sells things on the street to live but that he makes good money and not to worry about him. He told me that "Life is good, God is great, and all my needs are taken care of." Even though he was completely high I couldn't help but smile at his faith. When I inquired more about his family he told me he didn't want to talk about such dark things. "Some things are better left in the past."


After walking a bit more he asked if he could come up to my room. I, wanting to understand his intentions, asked, "Why?". He laughed this jolly big laugh that filled the air around us. I'll never forget his crooked smile when he said, "Let me guess you don't do that either?" I laughed with him and said no. He was very polite and respectful and asked more questions about my beliefs. We sat on a random curb and shared beliefs.


He shared that he thought life was better when he was high because he didn't have to feel pain or joy because they were mirrors of each other. He liked to stay safe and somewhere in the middle. I shared with him my feelings about touring the slave castles earlier that day. It got dark and I was tired so I said goodbye to my new friend Richard. He handed me a bracelet he had made and told me it was free. I thanked him again and he walked away.


Thank you Richard for watching my stuff on the beach. Thank you for the bracelet. Thank you for your kindness and open heart. Thank you for sharing some of your story. But mostly, thank you for reminding me that, "Life is good, God is great, and all my needs are taken care of."

The Art of Self Sabatoge

I was huddled in a corner of the SDSU track field (above a parking garage) in torrential rain and strong gusts of wind trying to figure out when my sister was going to be doing Triple Jump for UVU. I was on the phone w/ my mom and she was telling me that Alexa's coaches wanted her to scratch out of Triple Jump. I was confused and upset.

Then I spoke with a friend of hers and he told me that Ali best triple jump is around 36 and SDSU's sand pit is around 36. So her coaches wanted her to scratch b/c if she doesn't PR (jump the best she has ever) she won't even make the sand. My sister heard what they said and decided to jump anyway. I looked at her friend and asked him why? He smiled at me and said, "Kylee, she knows that in order to make the sand she will PR and that will force her to jump her best."

It was like a light exploded in my head. I have been thinking a lot about self sabotage, limiting ourselves, etc. I have talked with a lot of my friends who are trying to figure out things in their lives (and mine). It seems that they are almost afraid to be successful. They don't know how to live their dreams. They are so quick to limit what they are capable of doing to what they are familiar with.

I have been thinking lately of how I am looking down the triple jump lane in my life. Do I see the sand and fear the gap or do I see the sand and have faith that I will make it?

Room To Grow

"I had become a new person; and those who knew the old person laughed at me. The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor: he took my measure anew every time he saw me, whilst all the rest went in with their old measurements and expected them to fit me." (George bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Man and Superman, 1903.)

People change. I am grateful that I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. I liked me 10 years ago but life has taught me much since then. I wonder though how forgiving I am of those I knew 10 years ago? Do I "measure them anew" when I see them again. Do I allow them space and room to grow, change?


Like life, people don't stay static. Challenges and heartache carve out holes in their hearts and triumphs and miracles build muscle. The heart of someone you once knew is not the same heart today. 


I know I need to be better at allowing people room to grow as I hope they will allow me the same.